i love becoming aware of special people. i’m admiring someone from a distance, knowing they’re starting something that will likely define the rest of their life, knowing that they’re going to get exactly what they want. there’s something special in feeling a confidence for someone you don’t even know. it keeps my blood flowing.

when a person thinks that they’re currently at the pinnacle of their life - that their success is transient. i partially want to smile and shake them and tell them what’s coming to them. but a bigger part of me wants to sit back and watch them be the nervous kid that they are, with enough naivety to not know what’s around the corner, enjoying every experience like it’s the greatest day of their life. that way, every day is exactly that.

there are certain parts of myself that i don’t like sharing. not because they’re embarrassing or anything, but just because they’re uncommon, and don’t make sense to anyone else. they’re trains of thought that have taken me a decade to comprehend and get to a point where i can verbalize them. and i can count on one hand the number of people i’ve had conversations with about these things. it’s odd, because i can identify if someone will understand from just observing their existence for a short time. i can’t even explain it, but i just can sense that they’re on the same level. when i am able to actually have a conversation with them, and they’re saying things like they actively picked thoughts out of my brain, i just get so instantly and deeply attached. interacting with everyone else feels superficial because i know i’m not able to connect with them like that. everyone else is speaking a foreign fucking language. and then when that person has to go away or takes a different path that diverts from mine, it sucks. it doesn’t really matter how long i’ve known them, because i am so entirely and consumingly all-in from the first second. and then i just get kind of scared, because i have no idea if that will be the last person to speak my language that i ever meet.